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Journaling Revelation
Regina’s Journaling of Revelation, Chapter 8
The first thing that I notice is that I don’t want any of Revelation 8 to be true. I want desperately to have another interpretation . . . one that is lovely and light, all sugar and sweet . . . and I realize that this is a desire to deny. I want to deny the horrors that are in the world, and I want to deny them because I believe they are true.
I also want to look at Revelation 8, be very spiritual and dismiss everything in it as unreal & meaningless (just as the Holy Spirit does), and then move on. But I sense that is denial too. And that is not what Holy Spirit asked me to do. Holy Spirit asked me to see what meaning Revelation 8 has for me, and to accept that I am the one that gives every bit of that meaning to it. Holy Spirit did not tell me that Revelation 8 has another meaning. Holy Spirit said that Revelation 8 is meaningless. And I must admit, those words are not meaningless to me. So, I must have work to do.
So, I will do as I have been asked. First, I will read and write down every interpretation, thought, feeling, judgment and fear that comes into my mind. I will honestly write everything that crosses my mind. Then, I will go back, look at it and give my willingness to see that everything I have written is in my mind. I must accept this, or I cannot let it go as false. If I believe that anything that I observe is caused by something outside of me, I will be unable to let it go, and it will stay with me as a part of my experience.
8:1 – When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. – I see this as dread. I see this as sorrow for all that is to come. I see this as helplessness against God’s power and decision. If I was an angel in that circle, I would be wishing that I could make everything that was about to happen go away. I would want to hide my face or fast-forward to the happy part and forget the destruction. I would not want to watch what was about to happen, and I definitely would be grateful that I did not have to experience it. This is what would be going through my mind in that half hour. It would not be love. It would be dread. In my eyes, God would be a master that I needed to please so that I could experience his good side and not his wrath.
8:2 – And I saw the seven angels who stand before God, and to them were given seven trumpets. – This is not a job I would want. I would not want to be responsible for blowing those trumpets. Somehow, in the job of blowing those trumpets, there is both guilt and victimization. The angels that blow the trumpets must do what God commands them to do. They are helpless victims of his will. And because they are the ones who unleash his fury, they are guilty for the destruction that follows. They did not try to stop it; they did not protest or hesitate, and so they are responsible through the misfortune of their own destiny.
What I am feeling right now is a lot of sadness. I seem to feel sadness for all of creation, because we are cursed by the fury of our own God. There is the thought that not to live would be better than to continue to live with this hatred.
I am also noticing a desire to be distracted from this work of journaling Revelation 8. And there is tenseness in and around the back of my neck.
8:3 – Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all the saints, on the golden altar before the throne. – I am feeling anger and hatred bubbling up. It seems to come from a belief in hypocrisy. The thought of acting out some spiritual ritual in front of others, when hate is in the mind of the one doing the ritual and the God that he worships . . . I want to strike out at them. And the tension in my neck has spread to my upper arms. I am disgusted by spiritual hypocrisy. To me, it is the greatest of all lies.
8:4 – The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of the saints, went up before God from the angel’s hand. – It seems that the saints are innocent victims of this evil angel and its God. These innocent, good-hearted saints, who want only love and goodness for everyone, do not realize that their prayers are being used in a meaningless ceremony and that their prayers are meaningless to their God. I want to help the saints . . . somehow protect them from the reality that they must, at some time, come face to face with. Their God is a monster.
8:5 – Then the angel took the censer, filled it with fire from the altar, and hurled it on the earth; and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lightning, and an earthquake. – How do I feel about this? I feel like it is all over. I feel like there is no chance for love and peace and happiness, because the point of no return has been crossed by God’s own authority. It seems that all is lost now. And now, that which is going to happen is going to happen, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. We are done for, whether we die or not. Our God has proven himself to be hateful and vengeful and unloving.
I’m noticing that I feel tired. In the space between these two paragraphs, my head was cradled in my hand. This feeling of “Oh shit, it is over,” is a very real feeling within me. It is hopelessness. I am also noticing that I do not want to continue.
8:6 – Then the seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared to sound them – I am noticing a bit of hope rising in my mind. Will something happen, in this last moment, to rescue us from the inevitable? I feel there is nothing I can do, but I hold out hope that someone somewhere will step in and save us. And at the same time, I know it is futile. It is a false hope, because I cannot give up hoping.
And as I write that last sentence, I notice a real fear rising in my chest. It is the fear that everything is futile, and the spiritual path is only the acting out of that false hope for salvation. I hate this thought, and I do not want to look at it, because I fear this is the truth.
Again, I don’t want to continue. I want to run and bury my head in the sand. I want happiness, not honesty. The desire to deny is very strong.
Continuing on . . .
8:7 – The first angel sounded his trumpet, and there came hail and fire mixed with blood, and it was hurled down upon the earth. A third of the earth was burned up, a third of the trees were burned up, and all the green grass was burned up. – There is a feeling that everything that is valuable and meaningful is being lost. Again, the feeling of helplessness is prevalent. I in no way feel responsible for this. I am the innocent observer. God is ultimately to blame, and I hate him for what he is doing.
8:8, 9 – The second angel sounded his trumpet, and something like a huge mountain, all ablaze, was thrown into the sea. A third of the sea turned to blood, a third of the living creatures in the sea died, and a third of the ships were destroyed. – There is a feeling that God’s rage has gotten completely out of control. It is as if he is torturing us because he enjoys it. He is cruel, and the extent of his violence seems uncalled for. God is unfair. There is nothing at all fair about this. And it seems that he enjoys putting an exclamation point on his cruelty with mountains ablaze and seas of blood. It is simply exposition to emphasize our smallness and unimportance. I hate him, and I feel I can do nothing about it.
8:10, 11 – The third angel sounded his trumpet, and a great star, blazing like a torch, fell from the sky on a third of the rivers and on the springs of water – the name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter, and many people dies from the waters that had become bitter. – I don’t know what I am feeling now. I feel numb . . . hollowed out. It doesn’t seem as if there is any need to exist. It seems that everything has been taken away. There is only horror around me. It scares me, and I feel helpless and guilty because I cannot stop it. There is this strange feeling that I should be able to stop it . . . I should be able to do something to stop the suffering . . . but I can’t, and it makes me want to run and hide. I just don’t want to know about this anymore.
8:12 – The fourth angel sounded his trumpet, and a third of the sun was struck, a third of the moon, and a third of the stars, so that a third of them turned dark. A third of the day was without light, and also a third of the night – This darkness seems to give me a sense of foreboding, as if there is something else to be afraid of that I haven’t discovered yet. It is as if the horror that has been experienced already is only the beginning, and the unimaginable is yet to come.
I notice a sort of anxiousness as I prepare to read the next verse. I want to hear that everything I have been reading is not real. I want to hear, “It is only a joke. Everything is perfect. Go and be happy.”
8:13 – As I watched, I heard an eagle that was flying in midair call out in a loud voice, “Woe! Woe! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth, because of the trumpet blasts about to be sounded by the other three angels!” - As this sentence was building, I hoped the eagle would proclaim my salvation. But instead, I feel like “Oh, shit!’ I somehow want to brace myself. I want to protect myself. I don’t know what is coming, but I am feeling that I want to survive. Somehow the thought of future, even a terrifying one, makes me want to survive. I want to continue to exist, through anything, and get to the other side. There is a feeling that there must be another side of misery, which is not misery.
As I write this last sentence, again I feel fear that the spiritual path is just the manifestation of this hope for salvation, when there is no salvation to be had. There is just the end of the story, and then nothing.
How do I feel now? Sad. I do not like these thoughts in my mind. I want to cover them up with something pleasant. Again, I want to practice denial in order to feel happy now.
Looking at my thoughts re: Revelation, Chapter 8
I am remembering the lesson that was given in the beginning of the Holy Spirit’s interpretation of Revelation, Chapter 4:
Step back from the images. Take your eyes off of the details, which are separate parts. Look at the whole picture as it is given in the mind. Notice the feelings that this picture invokes. What is this vision telling you?
The lesson that is given by asking you to see this vision as a whole is an important lesson that you must learn. As you look on the world now, you see separate parts and you analyze them for meaning. Even in your process of letting go, you see separate parts and you analyze them for meaning. Although this process can seem effective and at times may be helpful to your learning, it is slow as the separate parts seem to have no end.
Step back, and look at the whole. When you look at the whole, what do you see? It is the whole that must be let go, because it is the whole that makes the illusion of parts. (verses 1 – 6)
It seems that this is the advice that should be taken as I look at what I wrote while experiencing Revelation, Chapter 8, within my mind. To agonize over the details in my journal would be to follow the ego's lead. To step back and see the big picture is to step back and look at the mind with the Holy Spirit.
This is what I see when I step back:
These seem to be the five recurring themes in my journaling of Revelation 8. So now, I look at these and accept that I see these themes projected outward because they are in my mind. If they were not in my mind, I could not see them.
I am also reminded of something from the Holy Spirit’s interpretation of Matthew, Chapter 12:
The belief in separateness and differences is the root you must let go. For if there is more than one Will, the Truth is not true and death is all there is. Is this the final resting place of your faith? Or are you willing to put your faith in Life and Love and One?
And, I am also reminded of this, from Matthew, Chapter 13:
Listen to Me now. You must trust Me above all that you think and hear and see. You must put Me above your self and your world. You do this by your choice, by selecting the thoughts you will believe and the thoughts you will let go.
Both thoughts are in your mind now. Where will you choose to put your faith?
I have before me two sets of thoughts. I have the thoughts that have been shared through the interpretations, summarized in Revelation, Chapter 7, and I have the thoughts that I saw in my mind through the journaling of Revelation Chapter 8.
Where will I choose to put my faith?
Is my true desire to deny and avoid healing or is my true desire to Know Thy Self? What will I accept as true?
Do I believe in inherent guilt or complete and perfect innocence? What will I accept as true?
Do I believe that I am victim or the holy Son of God? What will I accept as true?
Do I believe there is an evil force that is outside and separate from my mind or do I believe in oneness and Love is all there is? What will I accept as true?
Do I believe that pain and death is all that is true or do I believe that I am eternal and Love is all there is?
Two ways of seeing are within my mind. Where will I put my faith?
It’s funny. I notice the thinking mind recommending that I choose the dark thoughts. It seems to logically conclude that these thoughts are true and that to choose to believe anything else is complete delusion. But, I notice the heart is attracted to the thoughts of innocence, holiness, oneness and Love.
So, it comes down to this: Will I choose to believe the thinking mind or will I follow the heart.
I choose to follow the heart. I will put my faith there.
I am giggling now. It is so perfectly easy when looked at with the heart, because the heart is the Holy Spirit.
Now, I am feeling joy and gratitude and a sense of perfection. I also feel Love.
An excerpt from interpretation given to Regina for Revelation, Chapter 10
This is given that the Son of God may learn he is the Son of God, for the Son of God can only recognize the Truth of Himself by recognizing His Voice for God within Himself.
This is what “do not write it down” represents: It is time for your brother to learn from Himself. (verses 1 – 4)
Regina’s Journaling of Revelation, Chapter 13, Verses 5 – 10
The Holy Spirit has told me that the beast of this scripture represents Self judgment. I was also told that if I could look at the statements written in verses 5 – 10 and realize that they are about me and my judgment against my Self, I will be able to see much that I need to see. I was asked to accept that which I need to see so that I can let it go. I was told that this needs to be done in order to know my Self as the absolute freedom that I am.
It’s funny as I embark on this journaling. I notice a bit of fear in my heart. But as I notice the fear, I am also reminded of what the Holy Spirit told me through the interpretation of Revelation, Chapter 9. Fear can only hold me back if I choose to let it.
“If you do, it is because you have chosen to see yourself as small. I have not taught you that you are small . . . If you choose, you can also walk right through fear.” ~ from the interpretation of Revelation, Chapter 9.
Ok. I’m ready. I don’t feel like I know how to look at my judgment of my Self, so I ask for the Holy Spirit’s help now. And here we go . . .
13:5 – The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise his authority for forty-two months. – I am feeling that this is symbolic, because the mouth is meaningless. It might be more appropriate to say that the beast was given a mind to utter proud words and blasphemies. Ephesians taught that the mind is the great receiver, which means that once the judgment against Self was made, the mind, which did not recognize the judgment as false, became the great echoer of the judgment. And within the mind, through judgment, the judgment itself seemed to separate and multiply, until it was unrecognizable as itself, and yet it continued to be echoed within the mind.
13:6 – He opened his mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. – This seems clear to me. As the judgment became unrecognizable as a judgment against Self, it seemed to be a judgment against many people and many things. And so the mind, believing its own echo, continued to echo the thought of judgment in its many and varied forms. But regardless of the form or the sound of the judgment, it was always a judgment against Self, which is a judgment against God.
This is clearly something that needs to be seen. When I judge my brother for anything, I am only judging our Self. It is merely an echo of the original judgment against Self in an echoed and unrecognizable form.
This reminds me of Jesus’ words from the original (uninterpreted) Matthew 7: 1, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
13: 7 – He was given power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. – In the Holy Spirit’s interpretation of Romans, Chapter 2, we were taught that the Son of God asked, What would it be like if everything was different than it is?” In asking this question, he provided himself with two options. The first option was that the curiosity was nothing, did not mean a thing and did not change a thing. The second option was an opportunity to believe that the question had created a new reality.
“Struck by the second option, you became engrossed by it. You tossed the first option aside. Faced with reality and the option of fantasy, you chose to step into fantasy.
“It was at this point that you began to forget, and you practiced the game of judgment again. But this time in error, you judged yourself for what wasn’t true, and you believed your judgment of yourself.
“This is how you seemed to step into a script, then lose the way out again. But it is just a script and nothing more at all. There is nothing at all to fear.
“Judgment is the tool that built the world, and judgment keeps the experience alive. But judgment came from nothing but an impossible idea and the desire to think about it some more.” ~ From the interpretation of Romans, Chapter 2
It seems that the one who gave the mind power to choose against the truth was the one who asked the question and created the two options. There is such power in this thought; I can’t quite seem to comprehend it now.
All things come from one Source. All things come from one Source! There is no other source.
Wow! Seeing this as clearly as I am seeing it now is staggering. I must admit, there is a part of my mind that is frantically back-pedaling to deny this thought, which it seems to have stumbled upon.
All things come from one Source, and I am the one that chooses.
Oh my God! That thought literally gives all power.
And once again, I am reminded of Jesus’ words from the uninterpreted New Testament. In John 8:32, Jesus says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
The Holy Spirit’s interpretation of Revelation, Chapter 12 says, “Accepting choice is accepting the way of salvation. Accepting choice is accepting how all experience is made. In accepting choice, you are accepting that you are experience’s maker, and in doing this, can all previous choice be undone.”
It is amazing that I am getting one consistent and clear message, which cannot be denied as the only message I hear, and yet my mind wants desperately to deny that this message is true.
13:8 – All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast – all whose names have not been written in the book of life belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world. – It’s funny. I am feeling to ignore the second part of this verse, which follows the dash. It feels as if this was added later by someone who did not understand. But the first part of the verse shows clearly that judgment is hailed and clung to within the mind, as if our very survival depends on its continuation. This seems to be very important to see and accept.
13: 9 – He who has an ear, let him hear. - There is nothing to add to this. I am being asked to accept the message that is presented before me now. I am being asked to really and fully accept this message as true.
13:10 – If anyone is to go into captivity, into captivity he will go. If anyone is to be killed with the sword, with the sword he will be killed. This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of the saints. – This seems to tell me that the mind is making choice. Notice the way it is worded. There is no victim in this statement. If the choice is made for captivity, captivity shall be experienced. If the choice is made for death, death shall be experienced. And the statement regarding the saints seems to show a contrast. The saints are not judging. They are merely patient and faithful for the truth. As A Course in Miracles says in workbook lesson 352, “Judgment and love are opposites. . . . Forgiveness looks on sinlessness alone and judges not.”
This verse seems to emphasize that there is a choice to be made, and I am the one who makes the choice.
Regina’s Journaling of Revelation, Chapter 13, Verses 13 – 18
In this exercise, I am journaling about a beast that represents my belief in guilt, which comes from and supports Self judgment. I ask for the Holy Spirit’s help in examining this thought within the mind.
13:13 – And he performed great and miraculous signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to earth in full view of men – This seems to say that guilt seems so real and obvious within the world, that it seems to justify judgment. We even seem to believe that God justifies our judgment of one another. This is easy to see in the world, when you seem to see people who torture others because they are different and you see men who abuse and murder small, helpless children. When you see all of the “evidence” of guilt within the world, judgment seems fully justified, even by a “loving God.” And since all judgment is actually Self judgment, the judgment of Self continues in every instant through the smoke and mirrors of the world.
13:14 – Because of the signs he was given power to do on behalf of the first beast, he deceived the inhabitants of the earth. He ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived. – This seems to further emphasize the verse before it. The mind, through believing in the world, fully participates in continued Self judgment, because it is deceived by the guilty images of the world. And our world has been set up as an “image in honor of the beast” with religions and laws and ethics that always allow us to make “sound judgments” to determine guilt where guilt seems justified.
13: 15 – He was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that it could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. – This statement seems to be symbolic, since the one who lays down judgment surely will not die. But, I think it emphasizes that feeling or belief that to let go of judgment is to die. It reminds me of that philosophy, “I think, therefore I am.” We believe in guilt and judgment to such an extent, that the thought of letting those beliefs go seems equal to the thought of death. And of course, fear is born of this thought. It is like a trap, but it is a trap set within the mind that built and armed the trap.
When looking at this thought, it is important to remember what I am. It is important to remember all that I have been taught by the Holy Spirit. As the Holy Spirit said through the interpretation of Revelation, Chapter 1:
“Nothing within the experience of the world is to be held to. It is all given that you may look at it and choose to let go. I am the Alpha and the Omega, who is and who was and who is to come. Keep this thought within the mind as temptations come to tell you that you are not. Stay firm with your heart in Trust. Say ‘no’ to all that is a lie by remembering it is not so.”
This seems like a time to hold to that thought and say “no.” Because the idea in this verse wants me to believe that if I let go of judgment and the belief in guilt, I will surely die. The only answer to that is, “No. I surely will not die.”
And once again I am reminded of the words of Jesus from the uninterpreted New Testament. At Matthew 16:25, Jesus says, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
Again, I am faced with choice, and I know the choice is mine. I am reminded of A Course in Miracles workbook, lesson 70. “My salvation comes from me.”
13:16, 17 – He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name. –This verse seems to speak to the perceived “need to belong” and “need to survive”. It seems that to let go of judgment and the belief in guilt is to be ostracized or cut off from others. Again, it seems that to let go of judgment and guilt is to somehow be separate from all that is. But I am recognizing that this is complete upside-down thinking. It is trying to tell me that I will be cut off and die if I let go of judgment and guilt. This is the ego’s fear, and this fear must be put aside so that the willingness, which is greater, can come fully into the mind from the heart.
13:18 – This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man’s number. His number is 666 – My God! The thought before this one was an upside-down thought. And this number, like the thought it supports, is upside-down!
666 is the number of confusion and fear. Fear is upside-down from our Truth. When 666 is turned upright, it is 999, and that is the number of willingness grown into strong, fully blossomed true desire!
Oh my God, we just have to turn the number over and the answer that we need is right there. Let go of all fear. Trust your true desire and let it lead you home!
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